My life has so much uncertainty in it. Uncertainty. Unknowing. Certainly, this too is a part of my healing.
The tenderness in the uncertainty is raw in my body. I feel drawn down into myself, into my cells, into my bones. breathing into unknown spaces: exploring the darkness within; shadow; self.
Everything is in the air. Hanging. My world. I'm craving something and I don't know what. This is about meaningful work. This is about purpose. This is about me not knowing where I belong. Belonging. Belonging to self. Belonging to place. Belonging to community. Belonging to the More-Than-Human community.
My relationship with dancing is in question. Where is the ALIVENESS in dancing for me? Sometimes I feel bored of dancing. What interests me in dancing? Dancing has always been an inroad into the body for me, an inroad into pleasure. I have always danced for pleasure. I dance for the felt experience of dancing. For the endorphins. For the oxytocin. For the connection with others. How do I maintain this connection when class has been taken away?
I have all these patterns in my dancing body. Some of these are patterns of dominance. Patterns of white supremacy. like perfectionism. my desire for order.
I long to get lost in the chaos of unknowing, even in my body.
I'm working on letting the body speak. maybe I don't need so many words. What do you see in my dancing body today?
I do not own the rights to this music but I sure like it. It is Indian Summer by Jai Wolf.